You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
