mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
