we should wear snuggies to the strip club
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Found your dick twin last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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