so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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