nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
