So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
People in love make me want to vomit
i think i have two assholes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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