Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
