My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
