So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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