Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
