so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
