u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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