Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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