I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
