My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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