i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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