then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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