he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
