I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
