I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
