once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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