his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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