community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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