Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
