So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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