I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
