I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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