I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
