for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
