I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
