the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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