The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
