At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
