Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
