Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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