real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
