he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
