I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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