you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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