I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize