I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
