it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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