I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
