i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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