Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
