walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
