I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
