i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
