Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
