I need help removing her.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
