i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
